That's it, I'm done!
I've had it, I throw my hands up and walk away. I have no time for this. I’m tired of push notifications and reading headlines that bring bile to my throat. I have no time for mentally unstable people in positions of power. No time for “alternative facts”. Just the truth please. I’m done paying any attention to people who ignore facts, who think that the world would spend all this energy to trick them with science. The egotism of conspiracy theorists is impressively jaw dropping. Seriously? You think anyone would put that much energy into deceiving you? Maybe a couple people would, but not millions. It’s not logical. Snap out of it!!! And while I'm at it, I have no time for aggressive men in cars. Or in general for that matter. I’m tired of your impatience when I’m driving 5 miles over the speed limit in the slow lane. Just slow the fuck down! You’re not playing Grand Theft Auto. This isn’t a video game, there are real people on the road with you, going about their day, doing the best they can in difficult times. Stop acting like you own the damn road. And what the fuck makes a man think he has the right to stalk another man in a truck while he’s jogging and gun him down??? What the actual fuck? Who gave them the right to think that they could do whatever they... oh wait... right... the WORLD, since the dawn of time. And I’ve had it with you, Fear. You do terrible things to people. To me. The thing you are good for is running away from alligators on golf courses, recognizing real and actual treats. Stay where you belong! You have no place in this pandemic other than causing people to think about the consequences of their actions. But you make people do stupid things. You cause them to see danger where there is none. You turn things upside down. You have your place, just stop trying to be more important than you are. You're acting like an aggressive man in a car. Just knock it off. I’m clearing away the clutter of my mind. Getting rid of things that don’t serve a positive purpose. Drawing my attention away from things that cause me to not sleep well at night. Making room for things that matter. Things like laughing babies. Green buds opening into glorious and simple beauty. Admiring chalk drawings on sidewalks, the moon moving through a crisp night sky. Dreams of kissing a beautiful face. I’ll put my attention towards reaching out to friends I miss. Writing a letter on real paper and sending it in the mail before the post office dies. Okay, there’s that negativity sneaking in, you crafty bastard. Away with you. Get off my lawn!!! I have time for foot baths and toenail polish. People laughing. The warmth of a blanket that’s been sitting in the sun. Dogs running. Cats curled up on couches. Brushing my teeth after a long day. Sunlight hitting a wine glass. Watching ants carrying picnic crumbs back to their babies. The sound of a book spine receiving its first crack. Sleeping on clean sheets. Watching my herbs grow taller. Candles flickering in a gentle breeze. Moonlight dancing on ripples of water. Recognizing dust on a shelf and appreciating the time I’ve spent in the room as it collected. Checking things off lists. Seeing faces of people I love, even if it’s just on a flat screen. Opening my window blinds to discover blue skies. Freshly cleaned windows. The sound of steady rain. Little kids on tricycles. Cool water on tired hands dangled over canoe gunwales. Cicada song on summer days. Crickets in a field of prairie grass. Fresh cut flowers. Smiles on weathered faces. A perfect sized pillow. A grilled steak. The words “I love you mom”. I have all the time in the world for these things. For beauty and calm. This is what’s real, what matters. These are the things I will lift up, dance with, pay attention to. The rest can sit there and wither away. Won’t you join me?